Seasonal Activities

Yesterday was a cold rainy day, so I spent time addressing Christmas cards and doing laundry.

Then, last evening, I went over to help a friend get his tree out of the basement (and "fluff" it), so I turned on my iPhone for music -- I don't usually work in silence.

So, the friend suggested that he turn on his stereo instead and picked a pop station. Eventually, he said he couldn't stand that any longer and said he was going to turn on some "real queer music." I was like, "Madonna?" But he turned on the il re pastore aria, lol!


The same friend is coming over soon to help me get my tree today...I've got all the stuff -- gloves, bow-saw, tape measure, tree stand, etc. -- ready to go. We always just walk down to the Jaycees lot on the corner and carry the tree back here. The hardest part is getting it to stand stably in the stand.

I'm not having my tree trimming party this year. This year has been so transitional for me -- I don't know how to explain where I am right now personally, except to say that I'm keeping a low profile...I do intend to have friends over at some point during the season...I think for pie, lol! Just not the full tree trimming party -- it's just not the right year for me to do the full party!

Dating Activities

Even though our date the night before was cancelled, C and I saw each other later this week and spent a lot of pillow talk time -- he's finally letting down some of his barriers -- which is really important to me. I have to have personal details about a person or I lose interest fast.

Other Stuff

My boss told me about a funny situation from where she used to work -- evidently, there was a guy who was very frank and said what he thought...and if he got an ugly e-mail (the way we all do sometimes), he sometimes would send this response: "Fuck you. Strong e-mail to follow...." LOL! Now, I have trouble believing that he really sent such e-mails -- exaggeration adds spice to a story, right?

What brought this up was that I got a snitty little e-mail from one of my customers, addressed to me. Now, I like to be as polite as I can at work, but I figure, if you can't say something with everyone in the room, then you can't say shit directly to me like that...

So I answered his actual question in the e-mail very professionally, while copying my boss and his boss...

Tweeting

The editor of the blog, Jane Austen's World tweeted a link that I found interesting --> http://radar.oreilly.com/2009/11/what-would-jane-austen-have-tw.html. Evidently, mail arrived several times each day in London during Jane Austen's time. So, technically, with all the (snail)mail she generated, she was basically tweeting her ass off, lol!

This article led me to another article about how a school TWEETED the Battle of Gettysburg over a two month period! http://www.twhistory.com/

Friend and I went to Lewis Ginter tonight to see the lights. Remember how I helped hang some of the lights, so I figured I should go! And it was a member night, so we got in for free.

They moved some of the butterflies that we got up on the ladder to hang!

My hands were totally weak from lifting the lemon tree earlier, so I got precious few clear shots! I guess I just couldn't hold the camera steady enough for night shots!

But here are a few of them --













The new bridge, just recently opened --


The friend I went with --

Ride Today

I went on a bike ride with the local bike association today. It was just shy of 36 miles, which is the longest ride I have done. It was in the East End -- mostly flat, although there were some hills in the last part of the ride, and it was windy.

I rode the "B pace" ride, which at first was PERFECT for me -- exactly the speed I wanted to ride. B rides are supposed to be 14 - 16 mph, although I think that we were going faster than that at first.

After 20 miles, we stopped at a store for bathroom break, water, etc. Then, we got back on the ride -- and someone quickened the pace! Lawd, I think they were going the B+ pace -- which was totally not what I wanted at that point in the ride! At one point, we were going up hill and I looked at my speedometer -- just to keep up, I was going 18 mph -- which is fast for me going up hill! Down the other side of the hill, I hit 25 mph -- again, I was just keeping up!

So, another guy and I paired up and finished the race together, leaving the "A-wannabees" to fly away by their damned selves, lol!

Christmas Lights

I got the lights on the hedges yesterday. I tried a new color this year -- purple. But when I lit them, they sort of looked fuchsia. I was afraid that it would look a bit "ghetto," but I think the fuchsia, white and blue do pretty well together!

Garnett's Again

A couple friends and I went to Garnett's again for dinner last night. This time, instead of the "WBLT" (white bean lettuce and tomato), I had a grilled cheese with hot mustard and red onions on rye. It was pretty tasty!

Afterwards, we watched a movie. It was a totally forgettable movie -- I don't even remember the name. It had Ben Affleck in it, but um, I was bored and was texting C during the movie to see if we were still going on our date today...which we did not. He asked to postpone it until later this week, since he is just getting over a bad head cold that he's had for like 10 days now!

New Theme

As you can see, I've changed the theme here at Chez Dragonfly...I was tired of the blue. It's a bit of work to change the theme, because I always overwrite some of the CSS, so that it suits me. And I have to figure out what the class and ID names are in the new theme in order to overwrite. I've been in an orange, red and gray mood for a while, so I think this theme will be around for a few months at least!

Yesterday, I got a brief bike ride on the commuter bike during the morning (with only a minor turnover on some wet leaves at the park).

And then had a very nice time visiting with my sisters. We don't get as much time as I'd like for just the three of us to be together as adults chatting. Both of them have already commented on how much they enjoyed just sitting around and talking yesterday, and opening birthday gifts, and eating pie (my sweet potato pie and one sister's pumpkin pie).

I took the road bike into Performance today because the chain was dragging against the front derailleur at higher gears. The chain cackled -- the higher the gear, the louder it cackled. I wasn't going to go riding today because the weather is sort of cool, but now that the road bike is in working order again, I'm thinking seriously about getting out. I can tell that I'm going to freeze my tits off again -- I bought a thicker jersey at Performance today, so maybe that will help.

Tonight, heading out with a friend to a couple of parties, and definitely looking forward to getting out!

***
I forgot that this is Friday...so here's an update with some eye candy...

Counting down the days until the long holiday! It will be nice to be off! I am still not sure what I'll be doing on Thanksgiving. The standoff between my Mom and me is creating emotional stress fractures in the family.

The middle sister has been on again, off again about having a dinner on Thanksgiving evening. Even if she doesn't have a dinner, I was thinking of driving to visit the sisters, so that we can trade birthday gifts. It's our tradition that we call each other and send cards on our birthdays, but that we hold the presents until we see each other later in the year.

***
My nephew's wife sort of went into labor last night. She was having contractions and dilated to 2.5cm...but didn't go much past that...so I went over to the hospital and visited for a while, then got word this morning that they were sent home. So, I might have a Thanksgiving great-nephew after all!

***
I had lunch today with a friend of a friend who looks to be in his early 50s (I don't know his exact age)...he is just now coming out as a gay man! Wow, it seems hard to come out after you've been married and had kids...but I'm glad he finally did it! I was telling him that I came out 17 years ago...hard to believe that it has been that long!

***
I've been testing a new (to me) browser called Camino. Evidently, Camino was around on the Mac before Firefox was written for the Mac. It's built on the same rendering agent as Firefox, so it functions similarly. I'm writing this post using Camino.


The reason I have been using Camino is because Facebook and Safari do not work well together. And the friends list has not been working well for me in Firefox -- ever since I downloaded a beta version of Flash -- not sure if that is what caused my issues or not.

Camino feels more "Mac-like" than Firefox...I'm tempted to switch!

Network performance has been pretty crappy for me lately anyway -- I've noticed that my cable modem is blinking its ass off, even when I'm not using it. Console is filling up with firewall messages that there are stealth connection attempts -- some from IP addresses outside my network. So, I'm not sure what's going on right now!

***
Going on the first official date with "neighborhood guy" this coming weekend. I'm looking forward to it -- I had gotten tired of the sex romp thing and was pleased when he asked about having an "official date." And we finally have gotten our schedules together, so Sunday it is!

As usual, friends and I walked over to Hanover Avenue for Halloween. It's always very crowded and fun to look at the lights. This year, I missed the guy who usually is in the noose!

Here are pics --


I liked the mask I was wearing this year - although it was a bit scary to other people since it looks pretty fierce with no smile or anything. I was chatting with a girl in the tarot line, wondering if people could see the smile in my eyes. She was like, no, the shadow from the mask hides my eyes. So, the mask is a true mask -- you don't know what's behind it!





















Afterwards, we ate dinner, then my friends and I parted ways, and I went solo and headed off to Gallery5, like I had planned.

The Gallery5 carnival was essentially a big Halloween party...so probably 99% of everyone was dressed up. I think I had expected fire -- since it was called the "Carnival of 5 Fires," lol, but alas, there were no fires! There were bands playing. It was pretty crowded. There was a long beer line.

I stood in line to get my tarot reading done.

Reader: Do you live with someone?
Me: No.
Reader: All alone?
Me: Yes.
Reader: Take this for what it is. There's a man in your house. (I'm thinking, if only!)

She asked if someone near me was pregnant. I told her that my nephew's wife was. But she didn't seem to think that was it, so she changed it to say that I was changing into something new, like giving birth to a new me. I basically agreed, and told her that I keep telling my friends that I am in transition.

She says that a lot of opportunities seem to be offered to me.

She kept saying that whatever happens, whether in a relationship or in a business relationship, that I should be sure that it is equal -- that I'm not the only one giving. She repeated that like 3 times. Good advice, considering my last relationship.

Reader: Did you live a guarded childhood?
Me: Umm...maybe. (I'm thinking, yes, but don't want to admit that to her.)
Reader: You are now in the process of dropping your guard, and trying to figure out how to find balance in your life.


While I was at Gallery5, I briefly saw a friend of Deege's. I was like, hey...and she just looked at me...then I realized I had the mask on, lol! So, I took off the mask, so she could recognize me.

I was a little disappointed last night that I didn't make it out of the house. Earlier in the day, I did not have plans, but then a Facebook friend popped up with the idea of going to the Camel to hear a jazz band. I have been meaning to get to the Camel (I hear good vegetarian options), so I was excited to go.

Unfortunately, his daughter has the H1N1 flu, and started having more nausea, etc. than expected last night. So, they took her to the ER to have it checked. So, he couldn't make it.

C'est la vie, of course, so I just got some stuff done around the house.


Heading out tonight to celebrate All Hallow's Eve with friends. One thing I would like to do is to head over to Gallery5 for their Carnival of 5 Fires...the vibe of it resonates with me.

I never really get a costume...I always just buy a mask and wear it. I have this attraction/thing for faces, and I guess the mask plays on that attraction. If you walk around my house, you'll see that a lot my decoration involves faces hanging on the wall.


I've been listening to The Dandy Warhols lately -- I downloaded "Welcome to the Monkey House" from Amazon last night.

Things have been pretty quiet this holiday weekend -- I think that's been a good thing -- I think I've mentioned before that I feel like my life is in a transition lately -- I can't describe how I'm feeling, other than to say that I'm keeping a low profile right now, the better to tuck and roll if I need to, lol!

I had drinks with friends at Capital Alehouse on Friday -- a former co-worker joined us -- he just got FIRED, OMG!!! He made the mistake of speaking his mind -- always risky in a corporate environment -- and two weeks later, he got thrown right out on his ass!

He's young, and he's following one of Karmic-Dragonfly's "guidelines for better living" -- Everyone should be fired from their job at least once! It teaches you something that you just don't get otherwise. Sometimes it's okay to just tell it like it is and let the chips fall where they may -- as I've said before "burn, baby, burn."

Here's the deal - the company he worked at has suffered a HUGE brain drain over the last couple of years (yours truly, included, if I may say so -- Hell, I DO say so)...this guy was probably the best .net developer they still had. It was probably not in the company's best interest to fire this guy. But they didn't ask me for my opinion!

I got a 14 mile bike ride in yesterday. I was supposed to go biking with a friend today, but we were rained out. Otherwise, I have been a moldering blob this weekend, lol!

Today, I ran a couple of errands, including buying a light for the bike, in preparation for a "Moonlight" ride on the night of the full moon in August. I'm looking forward to it, having never biked at night before.

I don't have anything planned for the 3 day weekend, but I'm looking forward to just being off! I used to be able to see fireworks from my house, but there won't be any at the Diamond this year :(

I am thinking of going down to Green Front in Farmville tomorrow -- I'm thinking about buying a bed frame for the guest room.

***
I am back to walking 6 miles several times a week. Last night, I got caught in a bit of rain, so I ran the last 1/2 mile back to the house. The nice thing is that, although I was out of breath at the end, I was able to run just fine and could have run longer. There was a time when I would not have been able to run a 1/2 mile -- the biking seems to be improving my lung capacity!

****
Since it is the end of the week, I'm posting the "Friday" eye candy tonight :)

Went to my sister's significant other's house yesterday for Father's Day. It is WAY out in the country, lord...I felt like I was driving forever!

He lives in a pretty old house that will be very nice once my sister and he do some renovation. It was his mom's house, so it needs so paint, etc. Evidently, she had shag carpeting throughout -- covering up a very nice wood floor. So, some of the work to be done is just cosmetic.

The other sister and her significant other couldn't make it.










Some of you remember that I drove a Saturn for years before I bought my current Subaru...I gave the Saturn to my nephew...who proceeded to treat it the way a young person treats a car...Poor, poor Saturn -- now sitting on my sister's significant other's farm, a couple of accidents later...

I decided that Mother's Day would be a good day to provide an update on how my relationship with my mother is going (or not going as is my case).

Remember how last Fall, my mother dropped a bombshell that I didn't expect? That's when I called to make arrangements for the holidays, only to find out that she didn't want me to bring O home?

That presented a painful, yet surprisingly easy-to-make, decision for me. At the time, without any hesitation at all, I explained to my Mom that I'd be spending the holidays with O. And so I did. (And I also managed to to see my sisters and nephews over the holidays -- and my parents -- because I had everyone to my house for a gift exchange with O and me.)

As I was telling a friend recently, there's no way I would have gone to my parents' house if my partner wasn't invited. That's because I would feel like I was betraying him if I went somewhere where he wasn't welcome.

Anyways, the holidays came and went. And I kept in touch with my parents more or less. But nothing really changed.


Then, O and I split. I think that, at this point, my Mom thought that everything would revert to how it had been before, as if O was the cause of the rift.

I've had a lot of time to think since November, and I've come to some realizations.

I realized that O had nothing at all to do with the rift. This situation was between me and my parents. The rift has been beneath the surface all along -- it's just that O had the unfortunate pleasure of being the trigger.

I realized that not wanting me to introduce someone that I'm serious about to the family is not acceptable behavior on their part. Everyone has boundaries that can't be crossed, and that was definitely one of mine. My Mom would never have put a heterosexual couple into this predicament -- so by doing this, she totally dismisses my relationships. This is totally not acceptable behavior for someone who wants to be in my life.

I know that some folks would say that family is all important. But as I get older, I realize that that is not entirely so. I have realized that parents don't necessarily get a free pass into your life as an adult. They can't cause me a lot pain and expect me just to hang around and take it.

I have also decided that 16 years is ample time for my parents to get a grip on this. If they haven't gotten it by now...I don't know that they ever will.

And I realized that I don't want this sort of negativity in my life anymore.

So, here's where I have left things. I told my Mom that I don't ever intend to let myself get put into the same situation again as I was in last Fall.

For now, I have distanced myself from my parents -- I don't have much interest at all in a relationship with them right now. I need to know that when I get serious again with someone, that I can bring them to a family event to meet the family.

I don't care about any apologies -- I just want to know that it won't happen again.

Now, I realize that my Mom may never agree to that. And I realize that it may sound cold on my part.

But here is the surprising thing. I feel good! I feel free! I have realized that my parents' shame over my sexuality has been like a weight around my neck all these years. Their shame has been a constraint on ME -- a weight that I didn't even realize I was carrying around. And it feels good to be free of the weight!


Of course, this situation is not ideal -- I am completely envious of gay people who have welcoming families. (My sisters have been great to me, so I have a little of that).

Please, please don't take this as a suggestion to follow my choices -- each person's life is their own, so everyone has to make the choices that work well for them.

But for me, this has been the right choice.

In all the years I have been in Richmond, I have never gone to the Easter Parade on Monument.

So, I met a couple of friends today to walk around. It was a beautiful day for it! It's cool that a lot of the people who live along Monument have porch parties that day -- so they sit around drinking and watching the parade of people from their porches.

Some folks really dress their dogs & themselves :)












These are the friends that I walked around with --

I had a good time at the Seder last night. I drank too much...and I felt a little, um, dehydrated this morning.

It was very nice of the hostess and host to have mock chopped liver (I was the only vegetarian). And the other food was also excellent. The matzo ball soup was great -- she worried that the matzos would be too dense, but I found them just right!

After all the food and drink last night, I feel the need for exercise! I just got back from a 6 mile walk. Although it still makes me a little tired, my body seems to be finally getting used to 6 miles a day.

I've been invited to some friends' house to their Passover Seder tonight. It won't be a religious Seder -- meaning, they won't be following the Haggadah. It will be more of a dinner and wine with friends. It should be fun, and I'm looking forward to it.

The lilac is beginning to bloom --

I've decided to throw the "Valentine's Day" pumpkin out. I usually buy a pumpkin in the Fall, and then keep it all winter until I carve it (and light it and put it out front) on Valentine's Day.

But given my romantic trials this past year, somehow lately I just haven't seemed to be in a joking mood about that subject. So, I didn't carve it in February. And here it is almost April, and I noticed the pumpkin looks like it may be going soft. So, I'm just going to throw it out this year!


I spent the morning at my normal career networking event, plus there was another event today that I also attended. Then, I got back to my desk and did my normal Linkedin.com connections to the folks I met plus followed up with some other folks.

In the first event, we did "speed networking," lol! Basically, we were at different tables (7 or 8 people to a table), where we introduced ourselves and gave our spiel. Then, every 15 minutes, the bell would ring, and we would switch to a new table (we had a card that told us which table we were to go to during each round). It was interesting that the dynamic was different at each table, depending on the people there.

Then, I went on my walk -- 5.2 miles today! I feel like I'm at the point where I need to go ahead and make it 5.5 miles, so I just have to figure out the route.

Getting ready to head out to Home Depot and/or Lowe's to inspect their plants and see if there are any geraniums out yet.


Here are some signs of Spring from my yard. This azalea is the first to bloom every year.


This is "Candytuft" -- also an early Spring bloomer.

Happy Chinese New Year!

Gung Hay Fat Choy!

Random topic 1: Gift Cards

O and I are burning up the gift cards that we got for Christmas! A few nights ago, he took us to PF Chang's for dinner. Before that, I had taken us to Whole Foods to use a gift card there. And a couple of days ago, we went to Old Navy to use up a couple of gift cards there. We still have a couple more -- Kohl's, Best Buy, etc.

Random topic 2: Home Landline

I'm thinking about getting rid of my home telephone line. We both have mobile phones, and I never use up all my mobile minutes. So, it's starting to feel like a waste to have a landline home phone.

Con: I do like having phones in different rooms at home -- if I only had my cell, then I'd have to keep it with me around the house to hear incoming calls. And I'd have to make sure the cell was always completely charged.

Con: Also, I use my home number when I order online, so if I only had a cell number, then I might be opening myself up to junk calls on my mobile.

Pro: Cost savings!!

Pro: One positive item about getting rid of the landline (other than the cost savings) is that it would free up some electrical outlets around the house -- my old house has precious few outlets, and I need every one I can get!

Random topic 3: Does Size Matter?

Here's a Youtube of Davey Wavey -- a young, gay Buddhist blogger -- discussing whether size matters --

I found out that if I put the tree by the green bins, then the city will just throw it into the landfill with the other trash.

So I guess we'll have to make a trip to the East End Center to drop it off, so that at least it will get turned into mulch!

By the way, regarding the word 'ignominious' in the title -- how often do you get to use that word, lol!? I had to look it up to make sure I spelled it correctly!