Lawd, the trials and tribulations of a gay man...
First off, this post is about a medical issue, so you might want to bail out now if you don't like medical topics...
Secondly, I'll skip directly to the punch line -- I'm fine, no medical issue here.
This post is about how uncomfortable examinations can be.
Here's the deal...for a long time now I've had a minor itch in a private area...and sometimes in the shower, I could feel a very small lump there.
So, you know where this is going, right?
The thought crossed my mind that I might have a wart there. The only problem is that I could not SEE anything if I examined myself in the mirror.
So, that's when I made an appointment with my family doctor. My family doctor is a man that I've been going to for about 15 years. The only problem is that my familiar, male family doctor is out of the office for an extended period, so the office is now staffed by several unfamiliar-to-me, female doctors.
Although I was uncomfortable, I was basically okay with the idea of having a female doctor examine me -- she's an M.D., so it is what it is...
So, the doctor walks in, I tell her the story, and then she tells me this -- whenever a female doctor has a man drop his pants, she has to ask the office nurse come in as sort of a witness!
Um....okaaay...huh....that makes me more uncomfortable. I've known the nurse for as long as I've known my family doctor, lol!
So, I ask point blank -- does she have to have a witness, when I'm a gay man? I mean, it's not like any sexual issue will develop, right? She says yes, blame the lawyers.
I made a disgusted noise, and said okay, that this was a medical issue, so go.
So, the nurse comes in, I drop my drawers, bend over, and the doctor examines me. She could see the lump that I was feeling, but it was not a wart -- not an issue at all -- just how some skin had grown back together. And I guess the bike ride chafing made the skin visible to me.
So, I'm glad I went because it set my mind at ease. The women reading this are all probably saying "try being up in stirrups once a year"...I know, I know...but women have to learn to deal with private exams very early in life -- men don't start having them until later in life. My family doctor told me once that he had men in their 50s who would not come in for a physical because they didn't want the routine prostate exam. I told him that that was ridiculous -- it's a medical procedure, fercryingoutloud.
I also mentioned to the doc that I was really glad about how this turned out, because I wasn't going to have to tell my ex about this -- I mean, if it had turned out differently, I would have felt like I should tell him, not to mention C.
First off, this post is about a medical issue, so you might want to bail out now if you don't like medical topics...
Secondly, I'll skip directly to the punch line -- I'm fine, no medical issue here.
This post is about how uncomfortable examinations can be.
Here's the deal...for a long time now I've had a minor itch in a private area...and sometimes in the shower, I could feel a very small lump there.
So, you know where this is going, right?
The thought crossed my mind that I might have a wart there. The only problem is that I could not SEE anything if I examined myself in the mirror.
Until 2 weeks ago....
I had gone on a long bike ride and gotten chafed (I still haven't broken down and bought padded shorts), and when I got out of the shower, I could see a couple of red dots -- right where I had the itch, right where I could feel the lump.So, that's when I made an appointment with my family doctor. My family doctor is a man that I've been going to for about 15 years. The only problem is that my familiar, male family doctor is out of the office for an extended period, so the office is now staffed by several unfamiliar-to-me, female doctors.
Although I was uncomfortable, I was basically okay with the idea of having a female doctor examine me -- she's an M.D., so it is what it is...
So, the doctor walks in, I tell her the story, and then she tells me this -- whenever a female doctor has a man drop his pants, she has to ask the office nurse come in as sort of a witness!
Um....okaaay...huh....that makes me more uncomfortable. I've known the nurse for as long as I've known my family doctor, lol!
So, I ask point blank -- does she have to have a witness, when I'm a gay man? I mean, it's not like any sexual issue will develop, right? She says yes, blame the lawyers.
I made a disgusted noise, and said okay, that this was a medical issue, so go.
So, the nurse comes in, I drop my drawers, bend over, and the doctor examines me. She could see the lump that I was feeling, but it was not a wart -- not an issue at all -- just how some skin had grown back together. And I guess the bike ride chafing made the skin visible to me.
So, I'm glad I went because it set my mind at ease. The women reading this are all probably saying "try being up in stirrups once a year"...I know, I know...but women have to learn to deal with private exams very early in life -- men don't start having them until later in life. My family doctor told me once that he had men in their 50s who would not come in for a physical because they didn't want the routine prostate exam. I told him that that was ridiculous -- it's a medical procedure, fercryingoutloud.
I also mentioned to the doc that I was really glad about how this turned out, because I wasn't going to have to tell my ex about this -- I mean, if it had turned out differently, I would have felt like I should tell him, not to mention C.
- Music:Soul Spaceship (Me'Shell NdegéOcello)
Counting down the days until the long holiday! It will be nice to be off! I am still not sure what I'll be doing on Thanksgiving. The standoff between my Mom and me is creating emotional stress fractures in the family.
The middle sister has been on again, off again about having a dinner on Thanksgiving evening. Even if she doesn't have a dinner, I was thinking of driving to visit the sisters, so that we can trade birthday gifts. It's our tradition that we call each other and send cards on our birthdays, but that we hold the presents until we see each other later in the year.
***
My nephew's wife sort of went into labor last night. She was having contractions and dilated to 2.5cm...but didn't go much past that...so I went over to the hospital and visited for a while, then got word this morning that they were sent home. So, I might have a Thanksgiving great-nephew after all!
***
I had lunch today with a friend of a friend who looks to be in his early 50s (I don't know his exact age)...he is just now coming out as a gay man! Wow, it seems hard to come out after you've been married and had kids...but I'm glad he finally did it! I was telling him that I came out 17 years ago...hard to believe that it has been that long!
***
I've been testing a new (to me) browser called Camino. Evidently, Camino was around on the Mac before Firefox was written for the Mac. It's built on the same rendering agent as Firefox, so it functions similarly. I'm writing this post using Camino.
The reason I have been using Camino is because Facebook and Safari do not work well together. And the friends list has not been working well for me in Firefox -- ever since I downloaded a beta version of Flash -- not sure if that is what caused my issues or not.
Camino feels more "Mac-like" than Firefox...I'm tempted to switch!
Network performance has been pretty crappy for me lately anyway -- I've noticed that my cable modem is blinking its ass off, even when I'm not using it. Console is filling up with firewall messages that there are stealth connection attempts -- some from IP addresses outside my network. So, I'm not sure what's going on right now!
***
Going on the first official date with "neighborhood guy" this coming weekend. I'm looking forward to it -- I had gotten tired of the sex romp thing and was pleased when he asked about having an "official date." And we finally have gotten our schedules together, so Sunday it is!
The middle sister has been on again, off again about having a dinner on Thanksgiving evening. Even if she doesn't have a dinner, I was thinking of driving to visit the sisters, so that we can trade birthday gifts. It's our tradition that we call each other and send cards on our birthdays, but that we hold the presents until we see each other later in the year.
***
My nephew's wife sort of went into labor last night. She was having contractions and dilated to 2.5cm...but didn't go much past that...so I went over to the hospital and visited for a while, then got word this morning that they were sent home. So, I might have a Thanksgiving great-nephew after all!
***
I had lunch today with a friend of a friend who looks to be in his early 50s (I don't know his exact age)...he is just now coming out as a gay man! Wow, it seems hard to come out after you've been married and had kids...but I'm glad he finally did it! I was telling him that I came out 17 years ago...hard to believe that it has been that long!
***
I've been testing a new (to me) browser called Camino. Evidently, Camino was around on the Mac before Firefox was written for the Mac. It's built on the same rendering agent as Firefox, so it functions similarly. I'm writing this post using Camino.
The reason I have been using Camino is because Facebook and Safari do not work well together. And the friends list has not been working well for me in Firefox -- ever since I downloaded a beta version of Flash -- not sure if that is what caused my issues or not.
Camino feels more "Mac-like" than Firefox...I'm tempted to switch!
Network performance has been pretty crappy for me lately anyway -- I've noticed that my cable modem is blinking its ass off, even when I'm not using it. Console is filling up with firewall messages that there are stealth connection attempts -- some from IP addresses outside my network. So, I'm not sure what's going on right now!
***
Going on the first official date with "neighborhood guy" this coming weekend. I'm looking forward to it -- I had gotten tired of the sex romp thing and was pleased when he asked about having an "official date." And we finally have gotten our schedules together, so Sunday it is!
- Music:City Life (Pennyshaker)
I did some volunteer work today.
GayRVA organized a team for HandsOn (run/owned by friends of friends). HandsOn is an organization that brings volunteers to organizations throughout Richmond. The GayRVA team was organized for Lewis Ginter Botanical Gardens, so I hung Christmas lights today.
It was outside. It was cold. And drizzly. The bushes were wet. Did I mention the wind? Next year, I really need to remember to bring gloves!
I think it was a really good idea to organize gay folks into a team -- Richmond GLBT people need more volunteer opportunities. And since I am a member of Lewis Ginter and go there pretty often, it was a perfect fit for me!
Anyways, there was a kickoff event (in the first pic below), then we went off to our respective organizations to work.
GayRVA organized a team for HandsOn (run/owned by friends of friends). HandsOn is an organization that brings volunteers to organizations throughout Richmond. The GayRVA team was organized for Lewis Ginter Botanical Gardens, so I hung Christmas lights today.
It was outside. It was cold. And drizzly. The bushes were wet. Did I mention the wind? Next year, I really need to remember to bring gloves!
I think it was a really good idea to organize gay folks into a team -- Richmond GLBT people need more volunteer opportunities. And since I am a member of Lewis Ginter and go there pretty often, it was a perfect fit for me!
Anyways, there was a kickoff event (in the first pic below), then we went off to our respective organizations to work.
- Music:Take My Picture (Heads We Dance)
I hear the words. And words are important. But there is frustration in the glbt community with lack of action right now. There was a sign at the march yesterday -- "When did it become 'All Mired Up and Ready to Fold?'," which speaks to the frustration with the slow progress.
It reminded me of when D and I went to the local candidates' forum the other day at the Gay Community Center. At the forum, the question was asked to the candidates "What do you believe is the most important issue to gay people?"
It was an EXCELLENT question -- one that I myself might have come up. The reason it was an excellent question is because the candidates' answers let me know whether they understood gay people at all or not.
Some of the candidates answered "jobs, insurance, etc." Valid answer. Some answered gay marriage. Also valid. A couple of the candidates obviously had no idea what issues were important to gay people. But one answer was interesting -- she said (paraphrased) "I don't want to be tolerated because I'm black or tolerated because I'm a woman. I want to be accepted for who I am. And I think that's what gay people want too." It was probably the best answer of the bunch.
It reminded me of when D and I went to the local candidates' forum the other day at the Gay Community Center. At the forum, the question was asked to the candidates "What do you believe is the most important issue to gay people?"
It was an EXCELLENT question -- one that I myself might have come up. The reason it was an excellent question is because the candidates' answers let me know whether they understood gay people at all or not.
Some of the candidates answered "jobs, insurance, etc." Valid answer. Some answered gay marriage. Also valid. A couple of the candidates obviously had no idea what issues were important to gay people. But one answer was interesting -- she said (paraphrased) "I don't want to be tolerated because I'm black or tolerated because I'm a woman. I want to be accepted for who I am. And I think that's what gay people want too." It was probably the best answer of the bunch.
A friend and I went to the National Equality March in DC today. I'm pooped...not sure why, but I am just dog tired.
It was much smaller than in year's past, but was still well worth going to. It's energizing to be surrounded by that many like minded people. Cynthia Nixon (Sex and the City), Matthew Shepherd's mom, and a bunch of other speakers spoke.
Some of them were inspirational -- I liked the quote from one of them (I can't remember her name...) enough that I used it for the title of this entry.
It was much smaller than in year's past, but was still well worth going to. It's energizing to be surrounded by that many like minded people. Cynthia Nixon (Sex and the City), Matthew Shepherd's mom, and a bunch of other speakers spoke.
Some of them were inspirational -- I liked the quote from one of them (I can't remember her name...) enough that I used it for the title of this entry.
- Music:Talullah (Jamiroquai)
Deege and I went to the Gay Community Center to hear political candidates Q&A. Some of the folks were more eloquent than others. There was one guy that totally lost every vote in the room with one answer -- so, why the heck was he wasting both his and our time? It's one thing to disagree over peripheral issues...but if you disagree on a core issue -- and the whole audience gets quiet over one of your answers...what was the point of showing up?
One guy tripped and fell when he was climbing onto the stage -- the GCCR didn't have things set up quite well enough -- they should have had steps on that side of the stage where the candidates were sitting. It's hard to recover in front of an audience after you trip and fall, right?
I was sorry to hear that D was still coughing as much as he was.
One guy tripped and fell when he was climbing onto the stage -- the GCCR didn't have things set up quite well enough -- they should have had steps on that side of the stage where the candidates were sitting. It's hard to recover in front of an audience after you trip and fall, right?
I was sorry to hear that D was still coughing as much as he was.
- Music:Strictly Rule (Vetiver)
In the last couple years, I have avoided spraying my roses past the very early Spring for fear of hurting bees and butterflies. What that has meant is that the roses have done very poorly by the time Fall rolls around. So I have not gotten a real Fall flush like I used to.
But in any event, here are some pics from the yard today --
***
Last night, I met up with a friend and a couple of his friends at 4th Fridays. It was packed! I ran into a couple of people I knew (besides the friend I was with), including the guy I talk about in the next section. That guy and I talked briefly, not long -- I was sort of off my game last night, distracted. It was a weird night for me!
After 4th Fridays, we went to Croaker's Spot -- a soul food restaurant. I was a little concerned before-hand about what I would eat, being a vegetarian, but they had some veggie options. I had a "Veggie Po Boy."
****
I did some volunteer work this morning and helped make sandwiches for the homeless. I was glad to do it, and enjoyed myself. There was one cute little lesbian there -- I say little because she was tiny and young (OMG -- how young they are now!)...she just moved here from Dallas and doesn't know many people.
D and I are going to Pride later today, and I think she'll be there around the same time -- I'll be sure to talk to her while we're there. She seemed sweet.
One thing that bothered me a bit. The old time Richmond gay community has a peculiar set of unwholesome, cliquish politics to it.
I believe that the guys making sandwiches with me today were a part of one clique that has been pretty negative towards a guy that I consider to be a "distant friend" / "close acquaintance" -- do you sort of know what I mean by that? I mean someone that I like, and who has lowered his guard with me and talked about some personal stuff, but someone that I really don't know well and haven't spent much time with. (I think we need more words for "friend" in English to include these sorts of "friends.")
This "close acquaintance" runs a local charity, and made an unpopular decision to let an employee go that is part of this clique. This has been like a year ago, and the subject still came up today! Not too much was said about it, but that sort of cliquishness makes me crazy.
I enjoyed spending the time today, and was provided with mimosas to drink :), but the hint of the former in-fighting left a residue of negative energy on me. So, I'm looking forward to hanging with the much more positive D later!
***
So, I'm home, eating oatmeal cookies and milk, waiting 'til time to go!
But in any event, here are some pics from the yard today --
***
Last night, I met up with a friend and a couple of his friends at 4th Fridays. It was packed! I ran into a couple of people I knew (besides the friend I was with), including the guy I talk about in the next section. That guy and I talked briefly, not long -- I was sort of off my game last night, distracted. It was a weird night for me!
After 4th Fridays, we went to Croaker's Spot -- a soul food restaurant. I was a little concerned before-hand about what I would eat, being a vegetarian, but they had some veggie options. I had a "Veggie Po Boy."
****
I did some volunteer work this morning and helped make sandwiches for the homeless. I was glad to do it, and enjoyed myself. There was one cute little lesbian there -- I say little because she was tiny and young (OMG -- how young they are now!)...she just moved here from Dallas and doesn't know many people.
D and I are going to Pride later today, and I think she'll be there around the same time -- I'll be sure to talk to her while we're there. She seemed sweet.
One thing that bothered me a bit. The old time Richmond gay community has a peculiar set of unwholesome, cliquish politics to it.
I believe that the guys making sandwiches with me today were a part of one clique that has been pretty negative towards a guy that I consider to be a "distant friend" / "close acquaintance" -- do you sort of know what I mean by that? I mean someone that I like, and who has lowered his guard with me and talked about some personal stuff, but someone that I really don't know well and haven't spent much time with. (I think we need more words for "friend" in English to include these sorts of "friends.")
This "close acquaintance" runs a local charity, and made an unpopular decision to let an employee go that is part of this clique. This has been like a year ago, and the subject still came up today! Not too much was said about it, but that sort of cliquishness makes me crazy.
I enjoyed spending the time today, and was provided with mimosas to drink :), but the hint of the former in-fighting left a residue of negative energy on me. So, I'm looking forward to hanging with the much more positive D later!
***
So, I'm home, eating oatmeal cookies and milk, waiting 'til time to go!
- Music:Soul to Love (Moby)
Today should have been an easy day, where I could catch up on some stuff. That was partly true, but I swear to GAWD, the application we support is a pain.in.the.ass sometimes. But the weekend is here...no thought to that until Monday morning!
***
AT&T finally enabled picture messages (MMS) on the network. The original iPhone did not support MMS messages -- since e-mail is so easy, I think Apple figured that you'd use e-mail to send pics. That was a bad decision on their part.
But even after the iPhone supported MMS messages -- AT&T took MONTHS to enable it -- even though they had plenty of warning that Apple was going to release the update. What a sluggish company AT&T seems to be.
So, when it became enabled today (via a carrier update through the normal iTunes sync), I tested it out by sending a friend the standard "pic in the mirror" message -- reference the http://guyswithiphones.com/ site. WARNING -- many of the pics are totally XXX -- you won't see my pic there (you may all now sigh a collective sigh of relief).
Anyways, I digress...the user interface for the pictures messages works pretty well. It's integrated into the standard text message UI -- and you tap on the picture to open up the full sized version of it --
***
Anyways, D and I were thinking about heading to 4th Fridays tonight, but he's still under the weather, so I'm meeting up with another friend.
Other than that, I think this will be a fairly busy weekend.
This is Pride weekend in Richmond. Tomorrow morning, I hope to get an early bike ride in. Then, a local gay athletic group is making sandwiches for the homeless.
Then, Gay Pride for a while.
Sunday, planning brunch with a couple of friends. And I may very well head back over to Ekoji Sunday night. Maybe the weather will cooperate for a bike ride on Sunday afternoon.
***
AT&T finally enabled picture messages (MMS) on the network. The original iPhone did not support MMS messages -- since e-mail is so easy, I think Apple figured that you'd use e-mail to send pics. That was a bad decision on their part.
But even after the iPhone supported MMS messages -- AT&T took MONTHS to enable it -- even though they had plenty of warning that Apple was going to release the update. What a sluggish company AT&T seems to be.
So, when it became enabled today (via a carrier update through the normal iTunes sync), I tested it out by sending a friend the standard "pic in the mirror" message -- reference the http://guyswithiphones.com/ site. WARNING -- many of the pics are totally XXX -- you won't see my pic there (you may all now sigh a collective sigh of relief).
Anyways, I digress...the user interface for the pictures messages works pretty well. It's integrated into the standard text message UI -- and you tap on the picture to open up the full sized version of it --
***
Anyways, D and I were thinking about heading to 4th Fridays tonight, but he's still under the weather, so I'm meeting up with another friend.
Other than that, I think this will be a fairly busy weekend.
This is Pride weekend in Richmond. Tomorrow morning, I hope to get an early bike ride in. Then, a local gay athletic group is making sandwiches for the homeless.
Then, Gay Pride for a while.
Sunday, planning brunch with a couple of friends. And I may very well head back over to Ekoji Sunday night. Maybe the weather will cooperate for a bike ride on Sunday afternoon.
- Music:Uno y Uno Igual a Tres (Jeremias)
This is couched in Christian, religious terms, but she's absolutely right -- we need to call people out...my quote on this journal -- "In order to be effective truth must penetrate like an arrow — and that is likely to hurt." comes into play here.
There's a local theater (the National) that is playing a concert by a artist who calls for killing gay people...Nice, really nice. If there's a protest, I'll be there...calling them out...
***I just looked on their Facebook page -- the concert has been moved to a new location --
I’ll look across the table and say “pass the salt, please” to the anti-gay folks in our church, and love them as my sisters and brothers. I’ll feel their pain. But I won’t agree to disagree, and I hope you won’t either.
Because we need to truthfully, lovingly, tell those anti-gay sisters and brothers not only that they are wrong, but that they are sinful. I expect my straight allies to take up this work, not ask to be congratulated for the small steps we have taken. And I don’t expect non-Lutheran queer people to celebrate when we reach a compromise that still falls short of the church apologizing for the sin of homophobia, heterosexism, and silence.
I know that, as an anti-racist ally, I need people to call me on my white privilege. After the sting of hearing where I’ve fallen short, I’m thankful for people who have loved me enough to show me where I’m wrong.
http://www.queerty.com/straight-pastors-cannot-possibly-know-the-suffering-of-lut heran-queers-20090904/
There's a local theater (the National) that is playing a concert by a artist who calls for killing gay people...Nice, really nice. If there's a protest, I'll be there...calling them out...
***I just looked on their Facebook page -- the concert has been moved to a new location --
- Music:Harder Better Faster Stronger (Daft Punk)
My HIV test result was negative.
This is good news as this test was not just precautionary. I needed to get the test because, about 3 months ago, I had unprotected sex with someone I didn’t know well.
I know…it was the wrong thing to do. Believe me, I know. I beat myself up about it for a few days afterwards, until my emotions stabilized. If you’re a Facebook friend, you might remember a status update about me beating myself up.
The acquaintance and I had talked about what we were going to do before anything happened. And we talked about the expectations of using a condom, but in medias res, he switched things up on me. And my sex drive just TOOK OVER – not for very long…but for long enough.
Funny thing is that I have always gotten a little angry with young guys who seroconverted, thinking that they KNEW better at their age. But I hadn’t been thinking enough about how strong the sex drive can be when you are being intimate.
I really was quite upset with myself at the time...and then there is the waiting for an appropriate length of time to get the test. I took a test first at 5 weeks, which was a bit early. So this 3-month test was the proof of the pudding. I think I'll take another in 3 more months, but I don't have any worries at this point.
I’m writing this as sort of a cautionary tale – so people realize what might happen, even if they have planned and discussed things with their date.
And I’m relieved.
This is good news as this test was not just precautionary. I needed to get the test because, about 3 months ago, I had unprotected sex with someone I didn’t know well.
I know…it was the wrong thing to do. Believe me, I know. I beat myself up about it for a few days afterwards, until my emotions stabilized. If you’re a Facebook friend, you might remember a status update about me beating myself up.
The acquaintance and I had talked about what we were going to do before anything happened. And we talked about the expectations of using a condom, but in medias res, he switched things up on me. And my sex drive just TOOK OVER – not for very long…but for long enough.
Funny thing is that I have always gotten a little angry with young guys who seroconverted, thinking that they KNEW better at their age. But I hadn’t been thinking enough about how strong the sex drive can be when you are being intimate.
I really was quite upset with myself at the time...and then there is the waiting for an appropriate length of time to get the test. I took a test first at 5 weeks, which was a bit early. So this 3-month test was the proof of the pudding. I think I'll take another in 3 more months, but I don't have any worries at this point.
I’m writing this as sort of a cautionary tale – so people realize what might happen, even if they have planned and discussed things with their date.
And I’m relieved.
I'm totallly ripping Puntabulous off on my post today...
I think I'm surprised at the skin tone of the baby that Ryan Phillipe and I would make, lol. Cute baby...but um, neither of us is that dark!
Ole' blank face himself -- Keanu --
Ethan Hawke --
Jeff Gordon --
****
Had a nice lunch with an old friend today. It was good to see him, and good to get the heck away from the salt mines for a while.
****
My parents are coming up to to Costco tomorrow...my Mom left me a message to see if I wanted anything from the garden. Last year, I gave my father a big kit of heirloom seeds for his birthday, and they planted "Bart's seeds" last Spring in the garden.
I have not called back yet. I have not had a good relationship with them since Mom was disrespectful last Fall and have not been to visit them. I'm not sure what I feel right now.
The way the family interactions typically work is that nobody really says they are sorry -- things just pass over...but I'm not okay with things yet. And I don't need an apology, so much as I need a change of attitude from them.
If I see them, I'm afraid that they will think that the typical rules apply -- that things are just "blowing over." But that's not true -- it's not going to blow over for me.
So, although I don't like how things are right now -- and I'd certainly like to get some fresh tomatoes :) -- I'm not sure that I'm going to call back. Totally undecided right now. I really don't want them to think that they can continue acting any way they want, and things will just blow over. Fuck that.
I had a former friend tell me that I'm being selfish...that could be. When she said that, I told her to mind her own...right now, I'm not taking shit off anybody...call it selfish if you like...That probably sounds awful...but right now, that's how things are.
You don't see my curse too often in my journal, right?
I think I'm surprised at the skin tone of the baby that Ryan Phillipe and I would make, lol. Cute baby...but um, neither of us is that dark!
Ole' blank face himself -- Keanu --
Ethan Hawke --
Jeff Gordon --
****
Had a nice lunch with an old friend today. It was good to see him, and good to get the heck away from the salt mines for a while.
****
My parents are coming up to to Costco tomorrow...my Mom left me a message to see if I wanted anything from the garden. Last year, I gave my father a big kit of heirloom seeds for his birthday, and they planted "Bart's seeds" last Spring in the garden.
I have not called back yet. I have not had a good relationship with them since Mom was disrespectful last Fall and have not been to visit them. I'm not sure what I feel right now.
The way the family interactions typically work is that nobody really says they are sorry -- things just pass over...but I'm not okay with things yet. And I don't need an apology, so much as I need a change of attitude from them.
If I see them, I'm afraid that they will think that the typical rules apply -- that things are just "blowing over." But that's not true -- it's not going to blow over for me.
So, although I don't like how things are right now -- and I'd certainly like to get some fresh tomatoes :) -- I'm not sure that I'm going to call back. Totally undecided right now. I really don't want them to think that they can continue acting any way they want, and things will just blow over. Fuck that.
I had a former friend tell me that I'm being selfish...that could be. When she said that, I told her to mind her own...right now, I'm not taking shit off anybody...call it selfish if you like...That probably sounds awful...but right now, that's how things are.
You don't see my curse too often in my journal, right?
- Music:Dance With You (Live)
Funny...I was playing with the LiveJournal settings, and I selected "Adult Concepts," which is true sometimes, right? But then, I just got a text message from someone (no idea who, since the text message comes from "LiveJournal") that they were asked for a login. Oops.
So, I've changed the setting back to what it was -- sorry, lol! I'll handle the adult settings on a a post by post basis, I think!
I went for a bike ride this morning with V -- we rode the course that is coming up for the "moonlight" ride next weekend. I had no problems with the course. He was sweating profusely, asking me at one point why I was not sweating, lol!
I'm looking forward to the ride, having never biked at night.
Yesterday, M and I tootled over to the Gay Community Center for an "Emerging Artists" exhibit. I enjoy going to those things now and again. Saw Kelly and Jeff and crew and a couple of other people I knew. Kelly had some of his photographs in the show.
I think the wine went to my head -- I was laughing a bit loudly, and I saw a couple of people look my way, lol! Whatever, lol! I wasn't aware that I was being photographed, but here's a Facebook pic. It's not the most flattering picture I've ever had taken, but flattering pics are coming fewer and further between as I get older, lol!
Afterwards, I was running around, and there was a rainbow -- it wasn't raining, so it was kinda interesting to see it. Here's my (crappy) iPhone pic -->
So, I've changed the setting back to what it was -- sorry, lol! I'll handle the adult settings on a a post by post basis, I think!
I went for a bike ride this morning with V -- we rode the course that is coming up for the "moonlight" ride next weekend. I had no problems with the course. He was sweating profusely, asking me at one point why I was not sweating, lol!
I'm looking forward to the ride, having never biked at night.
Yesterday, M and I tootled over to the Gay Community Center for an "Emerging Artists" exhibit. I enjoy going to those things now and again. Saw Kelly and Jeff and crew and a couple of other people I knew. Kelly had some of his photographs in the show.
I think the wine went to my head -- I was laughing a bit loudly, and I saw a couple of people look my way, lol! Whatever, lol! I wasn't aware that I was being photographed, but here's a Facebook pic. It's not the most flattering picture I've ever had taken, but flattering pics are coming fewer and further between as I get older, lol!
Afterwards, I was running around, and there was a rainbow -- it wasn't raining, so it was kinda interesting to see it. Here's my (crappy) iPhone pic -->
- Music:Come into My World (Kylie Minogue)
This is the 40th anniversary of the Stonewall riots, which got very little news attention at the time --
We've come a long way!
I started this post, thinking I would talk about prior GLBT successes over what seem to us now to be ridiculous laws (like the US Post Office not carrying gay material until 1958 or that it wasn't until 1991 when it was okay to hire a gay person in a Virginia bar...)
But that historical stuff was a real downer, lol!
So, my mind wandered to what I, personally, can do to support the GLBT cause.
So, here are some of the steps I personally want to take (sort of like "new year's resolutions") --
Hundreds of young men went on a rampage in Greenwich Village shortly after 3 A.M. yesterday after a force of plainclothes men raided a bar that the police said was wellknown for its homosexual clientele. Thirteen persons were arrested and four policemen injured.
http://select.nytimes.com/gst/abstract.html?res=F20714FA3D5D1A7B93CBAB178DD85F4D 8685F9
We've come a long way!
I started this post, thinking I would talk about prior GLBT successes over what seem to us now to be ridiculous laws (like the US Post Office not carrying gay material until 1958 or that it wasn't until 1991 when it was okay to hire a gay person in a Virginia bar...)
But that historical stuff was a real downer, lol!
So, my mind wandered to what I, personally, can do to support the GLBT cause.
So, here are some of the steps I personally want to take (sort of like "new year's resolutions") --
- Hold politicians to the promises they made as candidates (yes, I'm looking at you, Mr. Obama...). By that, I mean, that I should be writing to my elected officials more often. And, I should not give a repeat vote to a politician if he/she did not serve me well.
- Live my life as well and as honestly as I can. I remember having a Historic District Board meeting at my house once -- I think one of the Board members was a little surprised to see O barefoot and cooking dinner for himself in the kitchen while we were holding the meeting in the living room, lol! I think that each GLBT person has to define what living well and honestly means for themselves.
- Financially support GLBT organizations which are doing good work -- and then monitor them to make sure that they don't get complacent and self-important. GLBT organizations have a smaller base to start from, so they need extra attention from GLBT folks.
- Show up for some GLBT political protest events -- this is often outside my comfort zone, but I want to show up for at least a couple events over the next year. It's really easy to join groups on Facebook, but it's a lot harder to actually show up!
- Music:Dream On (Depeche Mode)
- Music:Tonight and the Rest of My Life (Nina Gordon)
Tonight, to show support for Deege, I went to see the Richmond (Gay) Men's Chorus sing since Deege is a new member. None of my friends wanted to go with (or they had other plans), so I went alone, figuring I would find someone to sit with...or not...whichever.
So, I got there and didn't see anyone I knew at first and was sitting alone. Then, I saw and got up and sat with O. Yes, that O.
O is dating someone else now -- and the guy sings in the chorus.
I also saw someone in the audience I used to do business with, who was there with his partner. This guy was a client of mine when I was a consultant. And evidently, this guy is friends with O's new boyfriend.
The concert was enjoyable -- they did a melody of '70s songs -- including dressing and (more or less) dancing like it was the 70s. One of the soloists (for Donna Summer's 'Hot Stuff') was really good.
So afterwards, O and his boyfriend, the guy I had done business with and his partner, Deege and his friend C and I went to Tarrant's. It was a bit weird hanging with O and his new boyfriend, so I was glad that Deege was there to be my wingman and C my wingwoman :) I don't think I would have gone if they had not been coming.
Now, get this shit...There were 6 gay men and 1 straight woman at the table. FOUR, (FOUR!!!) of the gay men had been married to women at some point. At least 2 had children. I leaned over to Deege at one point and asked if we were the only gay men at the table who had not been married to women! And, so it was.
So, I got there and didn't see anyone I knew at first and was sitting alone. Then, I saw and got up and sat with O. Yes, that O.
O is dating someone else now -- and the guy sings in the chorus.
I also saw someone in the audience I used to do business with, who was there with his partner. This guy was a client of mine when I was a consultant. And evidently, this guy is friends with O's new boyfriend.
The concert was enjoyable -- they did a melody of '70s songs -- including dressing and (more or less) dancing like it was the 70s. One of the soloists (for Donna Summer's 'Hot Stuff') was really good.
So afterwards, O and his boyfriend, the guy I had done business with and his partner, Deege and his friend C and I went to Tarrant's. It was a bit weird hanging with O and his new boyfriend, so I was glad that Deege was there to be my wingman and C my wingwoman :) I don't think I would have gone if they had not been coming.
Now, get this shit...There were 6 gay men and 1 straight woman at the table. FOUR, (FOUR!!!) of the gay men had been married to women at some point. At least 2 had children. I leaned over to Deege at one point and asked if we were the only gay men at the table who had not been married to women! And, so it was.
- Music:Tonight and the Rest of My Life (Nina Gordon)
Evidently, people can unconsciously spot us, lol! Even when the picture they are shown is heavily cropped to the eyes, they can still spot us!
I particularly liked the idea below about having sharper, clearer irises!
I particularly liked the idea below about having sharper, clearer irises!
David Harnden-Warwick, has a casual hunch that gay men may have sharper, clearer irises than straight men.)
http://www.scientificamerican.com/article.cfm?id=something-queer-about-that-face
Deege and I went to 4th Fridays tonight -- the monthly gay and lesbian get together. Tonight, it was at the 2300 club in Churchill.
That event is not something I see myself doing every month, but maybe once a quarter or once every 4 months.
Tonight, I only saw a couple of people that I knew -- last time I went, I saw several folks that I knew, so I was sort of hoping the same tonight. I mostly went to see the club itself, because my neighbors and I have thought of turning one of the old houses in our neighborhood into a private club (like the 2300 Club).
The mint juleps they made were terr-i-ble! And expensive!
That area of Churchill is very nice though. Afterwards, D sat with me, while I ate at the Hill Cafe on Broad.
That event is not something I see myself doing every month, but maybe once a quarter or once every 4 months.
Tonight, I only saw a couple of people that I knew -- last time I went, I saw several folks that I knew, so I was sort of hoping the same tonight. I mostly went to see the club itself, because my neighbors and I have thought of turning one of the old houses in our neighborhood into a private club (like the 2300 Club).
The mint juleps they made were terr-i-ble! And expensive!
That area of Churchill is very nice though. Afterwards, D sat with me, while I ate at the Hill Cafe on Broad.
- Music:Galileo (Indigo Girls)
I had lunch with an old friend today. We went to Merriwether's in the General Assembly building. The food was decent, and less expensive than many places downtown.
He is a state employee, so he just showed his badge. I, on the other hand, had to unload my pockets and go through the metal detector!
Anyways, they have a nice balcony out back, overlooking the Capitol, so I snagged a couple of iPhone shots --
"Old City Hall" does have some interesting architecture --
The friend reads this journal, and one of his comments was that he is surprised at how personal I can get here. It was interesting because my read of his body language when he was talking was that it was too personal, lol! Almost like he was saying that his emotional eyes were bleeding after reading some posts! He didn't say that -- I'm putting words in his mouth, lol!
And the question came up...why do I put those sorts of things out in public?
He provided a possible answer -- that it might be cathartic. I suppose that could be so. But I don't really feel any emotional release putting stuff out here. So, I'm not sure that that is the answer.
If you knew more of the details, you'd know that, by the time I post something here, I've already got some handle around it and started to make sense of it. Any emotional release would have mostly happened by the time I post here about something.
Another possible answer to the question is that I like to entertain the notion that some of this information will be educational to someone -- in a "what-not-to-do" sort of way. I mean, the stuff with my Mom - I would hope that any parent reading this would learn that there are some things that they just cannot do, at the risk of driving away their child.
And any other gay person who reads this -- that they realize that this sort of shit happens to lots of us and not just them!
Another possible answer as to why I do this is that it is historical. I never use the term "blog" for this site -- it is a "journal" in the sense of a diary (although more heavily censored than you may realize from my posts). I really do use this for a sort of historical record -- I search the site with Google site search, in order to find out when such and such happened. Or I use the tags on the posts to find a particular thing.
Another possibility -- this site gives me leeway to say things that I would not say in person -- I can let it all hang out, and then when my friends see me, they can put up the usual mask that everyone wears -- it gives people a chance to process very emotional content before we talk about it!
I'm not entirely sure why I write what I write -- I just type what I'm thinking about right now -- what Facebook terms as "What's on your mind?"
He is a state employee, so he just showed his badge. I, on the other hand, had to unload my pockets and go through the metal detector!
Anyways, they have a nice balcony out back, overlooking the Capitol, so I snagged a couple of iPhone shots --
"Old City Hall" does have some interesting architecture --
The friend reads this journal, and one of his comments was that he is surprised at how personal I can get here. It was interesting because my read of his body language when he was talking was that it was too personal, lol! Almost like he was saying that his emotional eyes were bleeding after reading some posts! He didn't say that -- I'm putting words in his mouth, lol!
And the question came up...why do I put those sorts of things out in public?
He provided a possible answer -- that it might be cathartic. I suppose that could be so. But I don't really feel any emotional release putting stuff out here. So, I'm not sure that that is the answer.
If you knew more of the details, you'd know that, by the time I post something here, I've already got some handle around it and started to make sense of it. Any emotional release would have mostly happened by the time I post here about something.
Another possible answer to the question is that I like to entertain the notion that some of this information will be educational to someone -- in a "what-not-to-do" sort of way. I mean, the stuff with my Mom - I would hope that any parent reading this would learn that there are some things that they just cannot do, at the risk of driving away their child.
And any other gay person who reads this -- that they realize that this sort of shit happens to lots of us and not just them!
Another possible answer as to why I do this is that it is historical. I never use the term "blog" for this site -- it is a "journal" in the sense of a diary (although more heavily censored than you may realize from my posts). I really do use this for a sort of historical record -- I search the site with Google site search, in order to find out when such and such happened. Or I use the tags on the posts to find a particular thing.
Another possibility -- this site gives me leeway to say things that I would not say in person -- I can let it all hang out, and then when my friends see me, they can put up the usual mask that everyone wears -- it gives people a chance to process very emotional content before we talk about it!
I'm not entirely sure why I write what I write -- I just type what I'm thinking about right now -- what Facebook terms as "What's on your mind?"
- Music:Black Heart Inertia (Incubus)
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